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Clapham omnibus

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There was no turning back. Our long suffering medical secretary had sold her property and was looking forward to her retirement in Spain. She had previously worked in the medical school as a senior administrator and treated us like medical students. She was robust, ultra organised, and a trusted member of staff. The time had come to find her replacement.

The CVs from the short listed applicants were satisfactory. Some had previously worked in the NHS, others had worked as medical secretaries, and all had some experience with word processing. With the interviews over, it was crunch time—the audiotyping test. Like the unseen passage of music that is used in music examinations, this was to be the test that would separate the wheat from the chaff. Or so we thought. The excerpt below is a true account of one candidate's attempt:

“Thanking for sending this young lady to the clinic. She was ansthematic but aware that when you took her vital cytology, we noticed a heavy thick offensive yellow virginal discharge and contact bleeding of the cervix. She was taking the oral contraceptive pill.

On examination, she had no sign of vulgar patronises. She had, however, a heavy puriland froffy offensive virginal discharge. The cervix showed an irregular lesion on the posterior aspect of the arse possibly arsoration. She had no other signs. Her grand stain smear showed an inflammatory picture.

In view of her signs and symptoms gram stains smear, we treated her protem with doxicyci 106g BD for seven days with metroidrocel 400mg BD for five days. Her clamidayia EIA has actually concerned prodemial infection. We are awaiting her conacockel culture result. I will keep you informed.

Yours sincerely”

Is it any wonder that laughter is (still) the best medicine?