“There is never a convenient time for death, taxes or childbirth.” (Scarlet O’Hara in Gone with the Wind) I couldn’t agree more with the woman. I’ve done the childbirth thing. Remember that baby on the ferry! That was certainly inconvenient. Now I’m up to my neck in taxes. Me—the tax office is after me. Can you believe it?

Some people in this region are earning salaries that would have kept Roy Keane in the World Cup, and yet they’re coming after me! Is it me, is it something I said, something I did? Hold on a minute now though. It’s probably the Jag that’s done it. They’ve seen me driving around in the Jag—“right! Let’s have him.” Can they not see that the thing is held …