“I've got the sidies doc!” I look blankly at the young Scouser¹ in front of me. Neither membership nor the diploma in venereology seemed to be helping me with this one. With an air of resigned patience, he kindly explained to me that “sidies” were “crabs.” “Have you never seen one doc? They go sideways, hence sidies.” Now, why hadn't I thought of that! I was learning a lot in Liverpool.

It is always a difficult one. “Why did I get these doc? Is it a sexually transmitted disease?” In the explanation, I often use the phrase that crabs are sexually transmissible, but not necessarily always sexually transmitted.

It is indeed very satisfying though to be able to make a clinical diagnosis with 100% accuracy, and there is always a great sense of satisfaction in telling a patient who has attended with a problem of itching …